When we entered our foster parenting journey, we never had concrete expectations of how relationships would look as the years went by. While a couple placements have left us broken hearted, we feel so blessed to have bird in our lives today.
Baby Bird left our nest well over a year ago, yet we often speak of him multiple times a week in our home. Sometimes we reflect on how rough the newborn stage was while other times we mention the cute things he did that brought a smile to our face.
My husband and I consider ourselves blessed because his aunt ( now adoptive mommy) made us a promise that we would still be able to maintain a relationship with bird and she has kept her word everyday since that bittersweet August afternoon when they removed him from our home to hers.
We try to visit bird atleast one time a month, weather and sickness permitting. It’s always so nice to spend time with him and see what an awesome little guy he is turning into. I know that his mom is busy chasing him around and I try not to contact her as often as I’d like. I trust that when she needs us she will text message us.
The other day I recieved a text saying that she had a birthday gift for my husband and a Christmas gift for us. ( have I mentioned what a sweet lady she is?) She is so considerate and sweet to think of us during moments when she isn’t obligated too.
As I lay my head down this evening, I thank God that even though we have weathered the storm of loss, that bird is blessed to have such a selfless adoptive mom who acknowledges the role we play in his life as his previous foster parents. The fact that she could have walked away with him and never looked back is not lost on me.
We will forever cherish the relationship we continue to have with bird and build with his beautiful mother who loves and adores him so much.
This is what adoption is. Love, selflessness and relationships.
Baby Bird hold a special place in our hearts. He will forever be our first ” newborn baby” that we accepted into our home and hearts.
Bird was trial and error, sleep deprivation, blow outs in public that were blown way out of proportion ( no pun intended)
When Bird left, it seemed like our world was collapsing. I couldn’t imagine what a life without that gummy drool covered babe would be like. It was devastating.
Bird was placed with a relative placement. An aunt who I was able to speak to on multiple occasions before his placement.
I can remember spending nap times begging and pleading to her on the phone to let us keep him. We knew that his case would linger and potentially go into an adoption process. We had come to love this baby so much. Seeing him leave was going to be so painful.
She listened and respected us, but ultimately said she wanted him. She said that we wanted us to be a part of his life. Deep down I felt like she was trying to pacify me, make me feel better about the situation.
We had agreed to meet her at a local restaurant to have her visit Bird. She seemed so nice. Again, we begged and told her our story. She said she had made her mind up. He needed to be with her.
The day of his leaving is a day I will never ever forget. I don’t think I have cried so hard in my entire life. A part of me died that day.
We knew that seeing him would be so hard. It was something that would take a long time to get over.
We let a month or so pass and we reached out to Bird’s aunt. She welcomed our olive branch and stood by her word of letting us see him.
The day that we drove to a local McDonalds was nerve wracking. I remember thinking that I wouldn’t be able to see him. It was going to be too hard. Would he remember us? Would he still come to us? When they walked in I cried. I couldn’t believe how big bird had gotten. He wasn’t a tiny infant anymore, he was almost 11 months old. We spent a little bit with him and parted ways saying we would be in touch and see him soon. I cried the whole way home.
Bird is spoken of often in our home. Sometimes we laugh about the memories and other times we cry over the loss of what we once had. We found that the more we spoke of him, the easier it seemed to want to see him.
There have been multiple visits with Bird and his aunt.
Each time, the visits seem more natural. He is becoming a part of our lives again and its not how we ever imagined it to be.
I never thought that I would be able to accept seeing Bird as something other than my son. The thought of seeing him and handing him back over to her seemed unreal.
The relationship that we are building with baby Bird’s aunt is becoming a blessing to us. We are grateful for her allowing us to be a small part of that special little boys life. We know we have so much to learn from him yet.. He is so loved and so cherished in our hearts.
I wouldn’t change how our life story with him is playing out.
The days in our home have been stressful the past few weeks.
I have tried to avoid the reality of it.
No longer can I keep silent.
Our second placement, Baby Bird, will be leaving our nest in the near future. He will be placed with a relative placement for the remainder or even permanently.
You see, in the foster system, family pulls rank over any foster family that the child may be placed with. We will always lose if family comes forward for the child. We knew the risks involved when choosing this way to become parents. We knew that there was a very good chance that our hearts would break many times in the process of it all. We knew this would happen, just not so soon after the loss of our first placement.
The news is devastating. When I look at baby bird, I remember his time with us. How tiny he was when he came into our home.
As the nights become less, we will snuggle a bit more, have lots more kisses, and cherish the moments for all they are worth.
The unknown is scary, but with a little hope and trust, I know that the future plans will soon present itself.