Based on the title of this post, you know its not going to be a happy one.
Come on, you really think I am a happy blogger?
Its so hard to go on living everyday when the one thing you want so badly isn’t happening. Its so hard to go on when each lead ends in complete disaster.
A few months back we revealed that we had met the most amazing women ever. A woman who generously offered us her body, which would be an incubator to a precious life created by my husband and her egg. We were over the moon excited to make our parenting dreams come true.
Every day I spent time working with a lawyer, calling insurance companies, planning the fine details for the surrogacy. Then, one day we received rough news. The insurance needed for our surrogate was going to be way more than we had anticipated.
When hubby and I really sat down and crunched numbers, we knew that it wasn’t financially smart to spend 50-60k on a baby. We had to be realistic with it and know that if we did spend that money, we would literally need to eat Ramen and give up a lot. Which is worth it, but not smart. Fundraising it not as easy as it sounds and asking for money isn’t right or possible.
When we left for our much needed vacation, we knew beforehand what we needed to do. Telling our dear surrogate was going to be the hardest thing. Hubby and I made a plan to not talk babies on vacation. Our days were filled with fun, drinks, shopping and sleep. Yet, whenever I would go relax in the spa my eyes swelled with tears and the decision that we had made. On the last night of the cruise we confirmed what we already knew and made a plan to break it to our surrogate.
I still remember sitting on our couch as I placed the call to the woman who had already given up so much time and energy on us. Telling her the situation and how we needed to be smart wasn’t easy. I expected her to hate me and to say mean things. She never did. She respected us, cried with me and said we would still be friends. Have I mentioned how amazing she is?
I’m not totally ready to talk about the loss of something that seemed to perfect for us. Honestly, I am not sure where we will go from here. I still stand true to my feelings on adoption and I don’t think we make enough to even be considered with an agency. We will try, but I don’t think it will be our decision, it will be the agency. Thanks to the generous donor’s, we have met our goal for this particular agency. If they accept us, we will be able to proceed quickly in getting licensed. We appreciate every prayer, donation, and support.. Infertility isn’t an easy road.