No, I’m lucky to have her

I always imagined finding Mr. Right, marrying him, having the most elaborate wedding possible ( which I did both of those), having my husband lay his hands upon my belly as he felt our growing child inside my womb. having those picture perfect mommy moments filled with love, laughter and awe. I never imagined that endometriosis would take my fertility at a young age before I could fulfill that last vision.

Never in my life did I imagine ever researching foster care with the intent to adopt a child. When I searched the internet for ways for an infertile couple to have a baby I never thought we would be foster parents. It wasn’t that I didn’t agree with foster parenting, it just didn’t feel right. I cant explain it.

Our journey began and the idea of having a little one roaming around our home began to feel right. The process was so different that I imagined. Preparing for a baby that you may never get to have and hold forever is not traditional, naturally preparing for baby would fall in the same category.

To date, we have had three wonderful boys, all who have touched us in so many ways. Recently, we accepted a two year old little girl who has gradually won my heart.

The holiday season has been a whirlwind. This past weekend has been even more of a whirlwind of emotions. Our little gift became quite sick and needed medical care. We ended up in the ER, which lead us to the pediatric floor in our local hospital. This little girl who barely knows us had to trust and cling to us for support as they completed a series of tests to see what was wrong with her. Throughout the ER visit, ambulance ride ( transfer to a different hospital, which was more equipped for her) and while we spoke to the medical professionals who took care of this little girl whom I am falling for more and more each day, we found ourselves hearing the same sentence from each medical professional. ” She is SO lucky to have you for her parents now.” Each and every time I quietly nod in agreement and move on to the next topic.
What I don’t say is, “No, I am SO lucky to have (them) her.” let me explain why..
Many think that foster parenting is this job that we are called to do to save these innocent children. Yes, there is partial truth to that. yes, I am saving this innocent child during his/her time of need when society has failed their birth parents and caused chaos amongst their lives.
I don’t walk around expecting to be rewarded for this job. I do it because I have been blessed, chosen to have these little ones enter MY home, MY life to teach me something.
These children fulfill that last vision. They are the reason that “mommy moments” are happening.
Without these children I wouldn’t know endless love, laughter, chaos, fear and so much more. My heart grows when I see my husband having a moment with our new daughter, as she looks up at me when I speak to her, when I rock her at night and read her stories and teach her the way of the world.
That is what I don’t tell those who reply with how lucky she is to have me.
because in reality the awe I feel when I see this little girl interacting with my Mr. Right cannot be described…
All I know is,
no, I am lucky to have her.

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