where you least expect it……

Baby Bird hold a special place in our hearts. He will forever be our first ” newborn baby” that we accepted into our home and hearts.
Bird was trial and error, sleep deprivation, blow outs in public that were blown way out of proportion ( no pun intended)
When Bird left, it seemed like our world was collapsing. I couldn’t imagine what a life without that gummy drool covered babe would be like. It was devastating.
Bird was placed with a relative placement. An aunt who I was able to speak to on multiple occasions before his placement.
I can remember spending nap times begging and pleading to her on the phone to let us keep him. We knew that his case would linger and potentially go into an adoption process. We had come to love this baby so much. Seeing him leave was going to be so painful.
She listened and respected us, but ultimately said she wanted him. She said that we wanted us to be a part of his life. Deep down I felt like she was trying to pacify me, make me feel better about the situation.
We had agreed to meet her at a local restaurant to have her visit Bird. She seemed so nice. Again, we begged and told her our story. She said she had made her mind up. He needed to be with her.
The day of his leaving is a day I will never ever forget. I don’t think I have cried so hard in my entire life. A part of me died that day.
We knew that seeing him would be so hard. It was something that would take a long time to get over.
We let a month or so pass and we reached out to Bird’s aunt. She welcomed our olive branch and stood by her word of letting us see him.
The day that we drove to a local McDonalds was nerve wracking. I remember thinking that I wouldn’t be able to see him. It was going to be too hard. Would he remember us? Would he still come to us? When they walked in I cried. I couldn’t believe how big bird had gotten. He wasn’t a tiny infant anymore, he was almost 11 months old. We spent a little bit with him and parted ways saying we would be in touch and see him soon. I cried the whole way home.
Bird is spoken of often in our home. Sometimes we laugh about the memories and other times we cry over the loss of what we once had. We found that the more we spoke of him, the easier it seemed to want to see him.
There have been multiple visits with Bird and his aunt.
Each time, the visits seem more natural. He is becoming a part of our lives again and its not how we ever imagined it to be.
I never thought that I would be able to accept seeing Bird as something other than my son. The thought of seeing him and handing him back over to her seemed unreal.
The relationship that we are building with baby Bird’s aunt is becoming a blessing to us. We are grateful for her allowing us to be a small part of that special little boys life. We know we have so much to learn from him yet.. He is so loved and so cherished in our hearts.
I wouldn’t change how our life story with him is playing out.


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