How do you do it?

This is a question I am asked on a daily basis.

Sometimes it comes in comment form, which is even more shocking to me.

A question, that seems like I am asked a million times, never comes out quite right.

There is no easy way to answer or respond. I never know whether to be sassy, or polite. Depending on the day, I either suck it up or feel like I have been slapped in the face.

I wish I could shout it out loud. The truth is, I have no choice. Endometriosis has robbed me of my fertility. A traditional pregnancy cant ever be.
This is not the life I envisioned myself and my husband having. I never intended to raise someone else’s baby, only to have to give it back to them. Having my heart ripped in two when I hand the child over to a case worker for the last time is NOT how it was supposed to be.
As each day passes, and I patiently wait, hoping for the call that is it OUR time. Our time to have a forever baby, I grow more impatient and angry with life.
Waiting by the phone is exhausting. I cringe at the thought of missing a call that could change our lives.
Adoption and surrogacy are not as easy as we thought. The foster to adopt route is the only way. We know that it could take years or never happen. Its a risk we are willing to take at this present time.

When you have no other choice in life, there is no easy answer to how we do something, all we know is that we do it. Kicking, screaming, crying, laughing our way through it all. We get it done.
Perhaps, instead of asking someone, ” How do you do it?” or saying ” It must be so hard.”
Try asking or saying ” How can we help you?” ” Is there anything I can do for you?” ” I support you, you are doing a great job.”
A foster parent wont tell you how emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting it is. We have the same role as you plus a hundred more things. we have birth parent visits to work around, appointments, therapy for emotional needs of the child, more doctor visits due to the child being drug exposed ( not always, but some cases). Sometimes, we don’t have time to make a meal for ourselves, time to treat ourselves. We haven’t been welcomes into parenthood in the traditional way.
Just knowing we have support takes the weight off that loaded question.


1 thought on “How do you do it?

  1. You are both doing an amazing job especially with all the emotions you must go through. Keep doing it as even the babies you don’t get to keep you make a massive difference to there life as well as yours. You are a great mom Xx

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